A professor is talking about the importance of stress management to an audience of students. She raises a glass of water and the students lean forward, ready for the classic "half full or half empty" question. Instead, she asks a different question: how heavy is the glass of water?
Eight ounces, 16 ounces – the students shout a host of guesses.
‘The absolute weight doesn't matter’, she replies. ‘It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralysed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.’
The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water, she adds. ‘Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralysed – incapable of doing anything.’
This parable isn’t mine. I’m not sure who came up with it, other than to say it did the rounds on the internet a few years back, but it’s a nice analogy that captures the importance of stress management.
Consider your daily worries – deadlines, exams, relationships, finances. Briefly acknowledging them is natural. But dwell on them for a while, and they start to gnaw at your energy. Let them dominate your thoughts all day, and you risk feeling overwhelmed and paralysed, unable to function effectively.
Stress itself isn't inherently bad. It can be a motivator, a push to excel. Rather, it’s the constant holding, the ruminating on worries, that transforms stress into a debilitating force.
COMPARTMENTALISE
It’s important, then, to learn to compartmentalise and to be present in what you are doing in the current moment. When you're exercising, focus on your workout. When you’re eating, savour your meal. When you’re reading, get lost in your book. It's about giving each activity your undivided attention, creating clear boundaries between different areas of your life.
Many people are good at compartmentalising when it comes to their work life. For example, difficulties at home are often parked at the door when someone steps into their office. You might think, “I may have had a blazing row with my partner, but I’ve got to leave that for now and focus on my work”.
However, the same person may be less adept at compartmentalising when it comes to their home life, with work stresses routinely bleeding into domestic life. This can be difficult to avoid at times, but it’s important to remember that worrying about work, or mentally replaying various things that happened during the working day, isn’t a helpful habit. To use the water metaphor again: aim to put the glass down when you leave work.
Accepting that stress is inevitable is the first step towards managing it effectively. There will always be things to do, there will always be challenges on the horizon. The key is not to try and eliminate stress entirely, but to develop the skills to set it down regularly, preventing it from weighing you down.
And while external events can drive stress, it’s important to remember that many of our stresses and concerns are at least partly self-generated. Maybe you often replay negative scenarios in your mind, or catastrophise about the future, or dwell on past mistakes, or ruminate about past woes – all this mental weight adds up, making even small problems feel overwhelming.
We can't control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond. There will always be external challenges, but we have more control over our worries than we may think.
Just like the professor didn't have to carry the glass of water all day, you don't have to carry the burden of your worries. Learn to put them down and lighten your load.
(First published in Southern Star on 15/8/2024)