A negative thinking style can become a bad habit, but habits can be changed. Here are six CBT-based questions to challenge those negative thoughts.
Is this thought a fact or an opinion?
People often automatically buy into their negative thoughts, treating them as facts. This is especially the case in times of high emotion, but try stepping back and asking: is this a fact or an opinion?
The thought “I failed the exam” may be a fact, but the thought “I’m stupid” is an opinion. The thought “He didn’t answer my call” may be a fact, but the thought “He’s angry with me” is an opinion.
Negative automatic thoughts (NATs) can feel true, but don’t assume they are true. Ask yourself, what is the evidence for and against this thought? What would a courtroom judge say? Am I confusing a thought with a fact?
Is this thought helpful or unhelpful?
“There’s no point in applying, I know I won’t get it”, “Nothing will ever change”, “This will never work out” – are these thoughts helpful or unhelpful? Do they motivate you or make you feel worse? What are the long-term consequences of believing these thoughts?
Asking if a thought is helpful or unhelpful is a simple but very useful question, one that will help you to see the negative impact certain thoughts can have on your feelings and behaviours.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of thinking the way I think?
Jack thinks he must give 110 per cent in everything he does. Are there advantages to thinking this way? Well, a perfectionist like Jack might say it motivates him, helps him achieve things, and get approval from others. But what about the disadvantages? Maybe Jack is constantly tired; maybe he’s often on edge and unrelaxed; maybe he misses out on time with family and friends; maybe he’s always checking everything, trying to make sure it’s perfect; maybe he rarely feels satisfied because his standards are so high.
All beliefs have certain advantages and disadvantages. A chronic worrier might find comfort in their worry ("it shows I care"); someone with OCD might believe their compulsions keep them safe; a depressed person might see self-criticism as a form of penance and atonement for their perceived flaws.
Identifying the advantages to one’s thinking style will help you understand why you do what you do; identifying the disadvantages will make you more aware of the downsides and the need for change.
Would I talk to a friend this way?
“I messed up again, I’m just pathetic” – many people get so used to beating themselves up that they fail to see just how vicious and abusive their inner voice is. That’s why it’s so important to ask, would I talk to a friend this way?
As well as helping you to become self-compassionate, this approach can help you problem-solve situations. If you’re wondering if you should do ABC or XYZ, ask yourself: what would a friend say to me about this? What advice would I give to a friend in my situation?
Is this a mountain or a molehill?
All of us know what it’s like to get exasperated by small stuff, but it doesn’t always seem small at the time. That’s why it’s worth pausing and saying, is this a mountain or a molehill? Will I be thinking about this in a week, a month, a year?
Am I seeing things in black and white and missing the shades of grey?
“All politicians are the same”, “He believes XYZ, he’s such a fascist”, "I messed up, I’m such a loser”, “Everything always goes wrong”, “My partner always does that, he never thinks about me” – are these likely to be fair assessments, or a little exaggerated? Is Barack Obama the same as Donald Trump? Is everyone who makes a mistake a “loser”? Does “everything always go wrong”, or only sometimes?
If you often use words like “always”, “never”, “nothing”, “definitely”, it suggests you’re prone to black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking. It pays to be aware of this tendency, and to make a conscious effort to seek out the shades of grey.
First published in Southern Star on 4/7/2024